Mayor of Loserville

There once was a town called Loserville. Nothing of significance was ever accomplished. Inventions weren't invented and creations weren't created and everyone there was known for their sub par and mediocre work. But perhaps the greatest, if the term is even applicable, loser of all was the mayor of the not-so-quaint little town, who also happens to be the author of this blog.

I just got a call today from a fast food restaurant I interviewed at and... they chose someone else. Second interview fail and the 500th rejection. At least they had the decency to call. How are people supposed to give me a chance at work when I have SUCH a unimpressive resume?? Sometimes I wonder... was I just born into failure?

Was I just meant to attend a tiny four year college instead of some outstanding university? Was I just meant to barely have any recollection of childhood memories that aren't smudged by financial worries and concern (and career advisers wonder why salaries are so important to me). Was I just meant to spend all day taking photos in different outfits and entering them into a DAILY fashion contest ONLY to be rejected (I still haven't gotten over that little number yet, lol)?

I have never really done anything significant in me life. My middle name might as well be average.

I wish I were more than average. I want to be independent and show everyone that I made something of myself, even if I have to start at the bottom. I want to avoid my parents' mistakes; I want to be admired. I want to be successful, not (just) for the money but to prove to myself that I'm capable of doing so. Right now, however, I barely feel like I can do so.

I want to prove myself wrong.

Today I didn't do anything but watch the King of Queens reruns. To tell you the truth, I'm probably gonna keep doing it till I fall asleep (I need some time to recover...I was pretty much sheltered from this kind of stuff growing up). That rejection was like a slap in the face. But, then again, that's reality. Tomorrow, I'm going to dust myself off and start filling out more applications.

Blah

Since my last post, I've visited my old hometown (which I was forced to; I despise that place), shadowed my mother, replied to approx. 5 text messages (lol), and found out that I won't be able to enroll into the two year degree program I was desprately relying on. And no calls from any prospective employers. "Blah" is currently the very accurate title of my life right now. Ugh.

But I won't give up hope! Even if I am sitting here, alone in my house and in my pajamas at 1:30 in the afternoon, I won't give up. I can at least volunteer, right? My plan for now is to help out at my mom's place from Mon-Thurs and on Friday, I'm going to look into volunteering at a local vet clinic.

So what if every single member of my family has jobs and it seems as if this summer is going to be as, if not more, boring as its predecessors... I'll get there some day. In the mean time, I need to figure out what I can do to keep myself slipping into a never-ending, self-loathing balck hole of depression. Tempting...

I think I'll go on a run today (that'd be my second day in a row...yay me!). And cook something. And wash something. And read something.